Holy shit! Six months ago, I publicly committed to dismantle my life to go on a "soul sabbatical" & year-of-learning and now I'm a whirling dervish of fear and excitement as launch approaches. Every time I tell someone about my grand adventure, they are overjoyed with excitement (and a wee bit of envy) while they gush I try to mute my (secret) panic-stricken inner voice that is screaming, "What the f@*# am I thinking? My life is 98% out-of-this-world fantastic and I'm going to search for that other 2%? Who does that?! What if I can't get this off the ground?"
I am that tree, watching the leaves of my life tumble to the ground and I have to let them go in order to build something new. My life is slowly going dormant while I wait for my sabbatical to start and I am in the all-consuming process of letting go. Hard-earned successes that shape part of my identity are morphing into memories of a soon-to-be past life. I will no longer spend Sunday mornings curled up at my mom's for "tri-chai" (a.k.a. sacred chai tea ritual with my mom and sister where we catch up on life at light-speed because we're high on caffeine and sugar). I will no longer be the cultural curator amongst my friends, scouting tickets for upcoming shows or concerts. I will no longer be the youngest person to hold my job (a point of pride)... nor a committed board chair of a non-profit organization in Vancouver's Downtown Eastside... nor a captain of an ultimate frisbee team... nor a thrift store maven... nor.... nor.... You get the picture. There is a long list of things that I have to let go before I event set foot on a plane... before I buy a plane ticket... before I even know where I am headed.
I learned from a great coach a few years ago that any time there is change (good or bad), there is loss. And any time there is loss, there is grief. So I am grieving the loss of my life as I know it so I can make room for possibility. Slowly with time, I know my excitement and momentum will return anew but for right now, when my grief and fear of uncertainty holds me in its grips, I need to ride the energy of my cheerleaders. These magical folks (you know who you are) will help keep me connected to my vision and will be with me during all of the ups and downs... the unstoppable ups and downs. After all, that is just what life does.
Moral of the story: All great changes are proceed by chaos and the process of letting go is hard, like the visiting-the-dentist-while-doing-one-legged-squats-and-getting-a-bikini-wax kind of hard.
Nice to meet you...
I'm Andi (hence the blog name). I'm a travel aficionado, passionate eater, tireless explorer of internet rabbit-holes, and amateur thinker. Join me as I give it all up (ok, that's a bit of an exaggeration) and go around the world on a mid-career "soul sabbatical" & year-of-learning to figure out what to be NEXT when I grow up. Won’t you grab a cup of chai and stay a while?
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