I feel like I’ve been in limbo for a while now and it’s starting to wear me down and I just need to chat about it before I can jump into action.
I just spent a glorious week with mom and sister in Greece and a few days in Paris with friends before that, so the transition back to being solo has been rough.... really rough. I know it will pass but I pretty much want to cocoon from life right now. Without a project to throw myself into, I’m acutely aware of my alone-ness of being on the road. Directionless. Floating. It feels funny to complain about gallivanting around Europe but traveling was never the intention for this year so it feels empty. What I really want is to settle in for a few months, get to know a city, and dig into some interesting mind-expanding work.
I feel a little lost when it comes to what I’m supposed to be doing with my life right now. This year was supposed to be the year of learning and it all of a sudden isn’t anymore... or at least not in the way I’d envisioned. The refrain "What was I thinking?" has been playing on repeat in my head. On really bad days, I have even considered heading home. I couldn't help but laugh aloud when I saw an Instragram post that said My life has a superb cast but I can’t figure out the plot. Amen sister.
After sulking for a few days in Athens, I decided I’m done with that. I'm going to be fearless and move forward, regardless of the limbo I’m in. We are never stuck due to some injudicious or because life is picking on us. We are usually stuck for a purpose. So maybe I’m stuck for a reason and maybe I’m learning exactly what I’m supposed to be learning.
I extended my time in Greece for another week and planned self-imposed reading (because I cannot afford to continue paying baggage fees at airport hauling yet-to-be-read books around) and writing “retreat” on Milos. The Greek island of Milos is where the Venus de Milos was discovered so I figure it must have good creative energy flowing and I’ll be inspired. It did not disappoint.
And then as if through synchronicity, a little miracle happened. Just as I was about to write my friend Sarah who lives in Aarhus, Denmark about a long-overdue visit, she and her boyfriend would be vacationing for a month in Canada. Half joking, I asked if she needed a house sitter while they were away because my destiny a homeless vagabond was days away. Because she’s awesome, she agreed.
Moments later, I bit the bullet and changed my flights again, switching the the return leg of my of Athens-Paris journey to Athens-Copenhagen to make things a big easier travel wise with my behemoth of a bag... I'm only wishing I had known to change it when I extended my time in Greece instead of paying the airline change fee twice!
With great love for authors that create alternate worlds, different paths for us to explore, I'm reminded of the J.R.R. Tolkien quote "Not all those who wander are lost." So I’m not going to worry as much about how my future plans aren’t really plans and work on the here and now. Taking it one day at a time.
So here I am. In Limbo. Trying.
The Devil whispered in my ear, "You're not strong enough to withstand the storm."
Today, I whispered in the Devil's ear, "I am the storm."
Nice to meet you...
I'm Andi (hence the blog name). I'm a travel aficionado, passionate eater, tireless explorer of internet rabbit-holes, and amateur thinker. Join me as I give it all up (ok, that's a bit of an exaggeration) and go around the world on a mid-career "soul sabbatical" & year-of-learning to figure out what to be NEXT when I grow up. Won’t you grab a cup of chai and stay a while?
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